I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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