elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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