I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
