Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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