also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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