last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
