She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
