you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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