Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
