I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im holly from the hills drunk
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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