I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
