I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
