Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The best revenge is premature balding
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize