do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We have started to decorate penises.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
