Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
