She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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