Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think a kid would responsible me up
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ruined the universe
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
