After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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