I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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