Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sext me about skeletons
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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