STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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