in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
