I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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