I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
