Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
