I wish I could punch you in the face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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