I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
