So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
