After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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