did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
