The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
