Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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