If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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