im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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