he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The Olympian is in my bed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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