fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
