So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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