I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
