Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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