when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
