I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
