Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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