I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
