My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
