Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
