my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
