I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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