I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
