I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
