he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
