if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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