Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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