i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
