So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
