there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
