I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
