Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
