Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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