Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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