you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
