Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
