Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
