there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
