Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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