I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize