Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
