New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
