Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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