my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so let's talk penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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