It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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