This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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