literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
