Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
