Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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