you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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