...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
