what day is it and did you see me today?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
