it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
