What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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