I met the friendliest cop last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
