WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
