My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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